Twenty One

Wow.

I won't say "It seems like only yesterday..." because I doesn't, but it sure seems like a lot less than twenty one years since I took on the job description: "Father".

It's the hardest job I've ever done, because kids don't come with an owner's manual. There is no degree program: "Parent 101". There can't be, since each child is an individual. The best I could come up with was to look to the examples around me. First and foremost were my own parents. I guessed I should look at what they did - both right and wrong- and use that info. I also looked at other parents around me and copied from their notes - keeping the "good" and throwing out the "bad". Still, I didn't have any younger siblings or even any younger cousins around to watch grow - so I was almost completely and utterly in the dark.

I knew that I did not want to create a "Mini Me". I had seen that too many other times before - parents who tried their best to mold their children in their own image. I saw this as patently unfair to the child, and often had dire consequences down the road.

I decided that the most important thing my parents ever taught me was to think for myself. When questions were posed, I seldom ever gave a straight answer-in fun and as an effort to encourage critical thinking - or I walked through the steps of how to go about finding the answers. If I didn't know, I said so and went about finding the answer. I figured that no matter how life ahead would be different, the ability to think, rather than just blindly accept what was being handed out would be critical.

I tried to be as "hands off" as possible - perhaps the opposite of a "helicopter parent"- only stepping in when it appeared that things had gone seriously astray. I offered advice when it was asked for. The big drawback is that that could be misconstrued as apathy. Quite the opposite. Caring enough to step back and let go is a tricky proposition. You want to step in, but....

I tried to lead by example - both in doing "the right thing" and following my own path, regardless of what everyone else is doing. I hope seeing someone do the right thing - even when no one was watching - just because it was the right thing took root. I also wish that my being "different" is an example of living by what is right for you, rather than just doing what everyone else does... because everyone else is doing it.

Perhaps my failings are a good example of leading by example... of what not to do.

I also tried to be a man of my word. If I promised something, I tried like hell to deliver. If I threatened something, I followed through (just often enough to keep the "threat" credible). I'm not sure my track record was too good, but I tried.

I encouraged learning, exploration and trying new things. I hope it didn't seem too scattershot or ADD... or that one shouldn't delve into things in depth, rather just superficially

In short, I sought to teach independent thinking, honor, and compassion. Pretty vague concepts, but ones that are essential, no matter where life takes you

I think, based on what I've seen, I succeeded, but the final exam is often decades long.

I hope I did a good job, for my part, and where I dropped the ball can be overlooked.