So it seems that the basic premise of this whole "work" thing is that you trade something you have -"your time" (which equates to "your life") - for something you want - money- to buy what you need. (Or THINK you need) .
Well, less and less these days do I think that the trade is worth it. In fact, I've begun to resent that I am pretty much forced into such a transaction. Maybe it's because I realize that I have less and less "time" to give away, and, like any other resource, as it's availability decreases, it's value goes up. (And you try to be more frugal with it).
Therefore, I am going to forsake all my worldly possessions and go live in a refrigerator box under an overpass. Or sell flowers at the airport wearing a recycled burlap sack and sandals. Or something.
Now, we both know, dear reader, that those aren't really viable options. I like my creature comforts and "stuff" as much as anyone. (And burlap is wicked itchy).
So what is the answer? Why am I asking you?*
I guess the first step is to reevaluate what I really need and what can be cast off as "not really worth the "cost" it would entail". Food, clothing, shelter and health care are pretty much non-negotiable. I've definitely lowered my sights in almost every other aspect. I look at something like a new car... but then I realize that replacing it would entail a car payment and further reinforce the shackles. (I know it makes me a bad consumer, but I guess I'll keep driving what I have, until it rots out from under me).
As one who is a slave to a time clock each day, at a place I really don't care to be, I've gotten extremely good at "compressing" my days. I work in a room with four people who don't talk to each other. My usual tactic is just to put my head down, do as little as possible, and turn inward, thinking about things I've done, things I'm going to do, things I'd like to do.... "Working from the neck down", to paraphrase James McMurtry. Pretty soon, it's break time, then, it's lunch time, then break time and then time to go home. Once I DO get home, 80% of my time is spent doing things to get ready to go to work again.
Before I know it, it's Friday. Woot! Time off ! But.... not really.
This propensity for speeding up time spills over into my own time, albeit in a slightly different fashion.
I charge around all weekend doing all the things I need to get done that I won't have time for during the week. And before I know it, 48 hours are shot in the ass and it's Monday again.
Why the hell am I in such a hurry? To get to the end?
I was at my camp a couple of weeks ago, and had a bit of an epiphany. I was out walking with my dogs through my beloved woods... and I realized I wasn't seeing anything. My brain (such as it is) was already back at camp, doing stuff that I thought I needed to do. I'm walking along through this beautiful woodland and I'm looking at, but not really seeing... anything. I stopped for a few moments in a clearing, surrounded by tall maple trees and thought about what it would be like to be one of those trees - trees who measure time in seasons, not ticks of a time clock.
So I'm thinking it's a fourfold approach: reduce the amount of "things" I "need", feeling like I'm getting more of a return on my investment - my time- by doing something I enjoy, at a place I like to be, casting off ambitions that are not important and being more "in the moment":
- Yeah, I like my "stuff" (says the hypocrite, typing this on an almost brand new computer), but I will look at my purchases with an ever-more critical eye.
- I'm looking around at a career change and getting ready to do what it will take to make that happen, to find a place I'd much rather be. (Yeah, I know, no workplace is immune to BS, but I can at least be someplace different).
- I've also started to be less... anal? driven? ... about things that I think need to be done. Yeah, a freshly trimmed lawn looks nice, but is it worth the "expense" of giving up a bike ride? No. (If the neighbors are that concerned about how my lawn looks, they can come over and mow it for me. Otherwise they're just going to have to wait until I get around to it).
- I've promised myself I'm going to try and live in the here and now much more than I do. Somewhere there's GOT to be a balance between looking/planning ahead and enjoying the moment. The past is gone and the future isn't guaranteed, so the only thing we truly have is right here, right now. I'm going to try and pursue my photography hobby more. THAT requires you to truly open your eyes to what's around you. Maybe that mindset will tinkle over into my "regular" thinking.
This came up on the iPod the other day and for obvious reasons, I can't get it out of my head:
So I just put my heart on ice,
thaw it out when I'm home
'cause it just might need the rest
....and I think I can't take another day,
but I have to press on 'cause there's no other way
I gotta' work and I gotta' get paid.
How's it all going to spin out? I don't know. I do know that it won't be an overnight, quick fix, but an ongoing "battle" - a battle I can't afford to lose.
*Blazing Saddles reference.
