While doing some genealogical research, in an article about the death (from drink) of one of my ancestors, they made reference to him having been "...in the spy business with Ephraim Dow and that other shining light, Ad Webster."
Now apart from being very intrigued by the reference to the "spy business", I was rather amused at the sarcastic reference to Ad Webster's character. (MCMAWG thinks sarcasm, done properly, is an art form).
I had to know more. Even though it was tangential to the original purpose of my research, (finding Dell) I began to dig into the newspaper archives.
I found a gold mine of amusement.
Apparently, Ephraim Dow was a politically appointed Federal Marshall, and from what I can gather, they were excise tax agents, charged with making sure taverns and places that sold tobacco were properly licensed and paying taxes - the papers referred to him as a "revenue spy" in a couple of places.
It appears that, if someone was charged with Federal crime, they had to be taken to the capital in Albany to be tried. Whomever had to transport them to court got a per diem - even if the charges were dropped. Can you see the potential for abuse?
I also found that the papers took great delight in poking Ephraim Dow:
"Ephraim Dow and His Friends On A Bender - Dow Sentenced to $25 Fine and 45 Days Imprisonment - A Season Of Quiet Seclusion For Him.
The day before yesterday, Ephraim Dow, the attenuated revenue spy and informer was dispatched to arrest a saloon keeper in Geneseo by the name of John Conroy. It seems that Mr. Conroy, who did not have a license, sold two glasses of liquor to Ad Webster and a complaint against him was therefore lodged with US Commissioner Gilbert.
Dow, on his arrival in Geneseo, proceeded to test either Mr. Conroy's or somebody else's whiskey and tasted it so often that the inhabitants of that village were greeted with the sight of a United States official in a beastly state of intoxication...."
I admit to literally laughing out loud at that description. This wasn't an isolated incident - the Rochester Union and Advertiser is full of articles like that. One of my favorite articles takes great delight in Ephraim getting "euchred" by a woman. (I believe "euchred" would be the equivalent of today's "pwned"):
Ephraim Dow Euchred by a Woman
"Mrs. Schleber keeps a boarding house and lager beer saloon on Front Street. The other day she received a fresh invoice of beer and it so happened that on one of the barrels, the stamp had slid over the bung hole, and in driving in the spigot, part of the stamp was driven in with it. This is a gross violation of the revenue law which declares that the stamp must not be torn.
Through some means or other, Ephraim Dow, the revenue spy and informer, got word of this transaction and it was not long before Mrs. Schleber saw his bilious-looking countenance appearing in front of her bar, demanding to inspect the barrel. Permission was given him, and after searching for some time, he could not find sufficient pieces to make a whole stamp for the good reason that the missing portion was inside the barrel. This was, clearly, to his mind, a gross violation of the revenue laws and visions of prospective fees, traveling expenses &c. loomed up before him.
Putting on his most dignified air, he told Mrs. Schleber he should have to arrest her. This lady, however happens to be a rather muscular woman and she told Dow if he attempted anything of that kind, it would not be many minutes before his face would resemble a freshly plowed field.
High words ensued between the parties accompanied by sundry pushes &c. in which Dow got the worst of it and his departure was a trifle more accelerated than he desired."
In addition to making questionable arrests and snagging a per diem, he was also known to shake down the populace:
"Them Dow Fellers" Again
For some time, Ephraim Dow and his pals have kept more or less quiet but appear to have broken out again and are now in the hands of the law. It seemed that a day or two since the bilious-looking and attenuated frame of Ephraim put in an appearance at Mary Eagan's saloon on Monroe Avenue, telling her that he had come to summon her to appear before Commissioner Husbands. At the time, Mrs. Eagan was too sick to move.
On Wednesday last, he returned in company with Nicholas Krauk and Aderiel E. Webster, and according to the evidence of her daughter, Maggie they told Mrs. Eagan if she would give them $5, they would make the matter all right".
Since he was politically appointed, the newspaper appeared to be looking forward to his departure from office:
"...The public in this part of the country ought to be highly elated that they have such an active, enterprising individual as this Dow, who is always alive and ready to protect their interests, notwithstanding the fact that he costs the taxpayers considerable money in the long run, by hunting up cases that have no foundation to rest on, and taking himself and a whole string of witnesses to Albany, for which he is entitled to draw ten cents a mile and a dollar and a half for each of them, besides other emoluments which could only be obtained by these means. Dow would be an ornament to a community - of human cormorants. The people will be compelled to endure him but a short time longer. He belongs to a political race who's days are numbered".
Can you imagine anything that eloquent, sarcastic and scathing - never mind funny - in USAToday?
